I started my first sexual relationship with my first girlfriend when I was eighteen. She was slightly younger and we were still in highschool at the time. Because we lived with our parents and she was a “good girl” we couldn’t be together that often and we started talking sexually on the phone. At first it was exciting to just hear her talk dirty and to hear her masterbate really turned me on. But as time went on we kept upping it and upping it to keep it exciting. In the course of the conversations we talked about turn ons and fanstasies. In the course of this I discovered it was a real turn on to think of her with another guy, often one of my good friends and we’d discuss it and talk dirty about it during sex.
When that relationship ended I didn’t have this fantasy except the times I thought back on her. Casual relationships found no desire for this fantasy, I think it was exciting enough to be with someone new. And when I got married, we got dirty right away but this fantasy didn’t resurface for quite some time. Part of it might be that my wife admitted to me that she had sexual fantasies about women, she would share eroica, and she let me photograph her and we even had sex in Italy with an open window where we could be seen. But as our relationship became more emotionally attached and as other things started to become more important than our lust for each other, such as family and kids and work and whatever, I started fantasizing about her with other men.
I am not gay or bisexual by any means, and also not homophobic, but just to be clear this is not about some sexual identity issue for me. While I think there is a turn on to feeling somewhat submissive, it wouldn’t be sexy if there wasn’t a connection and trust. What’s a turn on is that she’s MY wife and as my wife she is my favorite sex thing. While I look at porn I don’t have very real fantasies about other women because I would never want to hurt my wife. But I get turned on by the idea of my wife as some sort of sexual Barbie doll that could be my own personal porn star. There are times I feel drunk with the desire to see her get fucked. But I have no desire to be humiliated (unless it was in a safe and private way like tease) or to lose control on the situation beyond my abiity to get it back. While I like the idea of her indulging in her desires for someone else, by no means does that mean I feel submissive passed a particular role in particular situations. Sex is only part of our relationship and this fantasy is only part of my sex life. And in no way would is this something that I’d want anyone to know about outside of us.
That said, I do have a serious desire for her to fuck someone else. It would be great if it is something I could watch and would even arrange it but it would be exciting enough just to be able to hear about it afterwards.
She says it’s something that would never happen and acts uncomfortable when I bring up the fantasies. Although there have been times, when we took a trip away from the kids, or when she got a little tipsy, where she got into these fantasies during sex and has even admitted to me that she’s fantasized about one of my friends (and actually about my friend’s wife too but I knew that years earlier because she’s more comfortable talking about her lust for her than her lust for other guys). She’s also admitted to fantasizing about an old boyfriend she has lingering feeling for (which I’m generally not threatened by because I have lingering feelings too for old girlfriends, but they don’t pose any real threat for my wife).
I get the sense that my wife A) feels like it would be improper or make her a bad mom or something like that to be sexually adventurous (despite her fantasies of other women she has no ambition to do anything about it) and B) feels like she would be betraying me if she let herself openly lust, let along fuck, other men.
Still, even if it wouldn’t happen, and I don’t know if the reality would be like a fantasy, more baggage and awkwardness, but I’d at least like to get her more comfortable with it so we could enhance our sexual relationship and be more expressive again.
Does anyone have any serious suggestions?
